I recently had an argument, for it could hardly be described as a discussion, with an acquaintance of mine about what he envisioned as the requirements for an individual to become an adult, or as he put it, a "big man" or a "big woman". As someone is who is invested in a better Trinidad and Tobago, and aware of the current social tragedies gripping many youths, I was interested in what he had to say, but I would soon come to realize, he was more for venting his judgments than providing helpful solutions.
He started with the issues of underage drinking, smoking and sex among "little children" which I conceded as three mainstays of premature development in our society. Too often, young adolescents look towards these outlets as ways to establish their maturity and the image of adulthood but even more often fail to recognize the dangers and consequences of their actions.
He padded along until his argument soon degraded into his ideas of society's problems such as boys "following everything these jamaicans doing...wearing tight clothes and have more earing than gyul" while the girls "following these americans wearing snow clothes in this hot weather...trying to talk big english and on deh blackberry hole day." I failed to understand the relevance and pointed out his issues as judgmental. While I supported the idea that adulthood was equally a mix between psychological maturity and physical maturity and that sex, drinking and smoking were better left to be enjoyed at the legal age, mimicking another's culture was in fact, not illegal, but more so, everyone is allowed their freedom of expression be it how they dress or how they speak. It does not mean they are not adults, or less than. But I also began to notice a deeper issue here. His emphasis on "big english" and the use of the Blackberry was a trademark indication on one's view of social standing. Many people interpret the use of standard English and the Blackberry as social symbols of popularity or wealth or an attempt to be "white". But why is that so? Isn't it only because we believe it to be? Why can't it just be the way someone speaks or just an ordinary phone? And most times, to those using these effects, it is just that, nothing more, but I digressed. I simply indicated to him that he could easily look away from the girls wearing "american clothes" and that if I personally wanted to talk on my phone all day, I wasn't asking him to watch and easily summed up my argument in the age-old Trinidadian phrase - "Who vex loss".
He responded poorly to criticism and sarcastically chided that it was then okay for him to wear a clown suit and snow boots to work and that he shouldn't care whether anyone watched or not, because it was not bothering him. What he failed to understand, and which I was sure to point out was that he was in his right to wear whatever he wanted, even a clown suit. It may be against company policy and professional attire to go to work dressed as one, but it was not in fact, illegal.
He highlighted that real men were leaders and had that natural instinct and utilized the notion that he "cah see a male lion in the jungle telling the female lion to go fight for territory" and "doh matter how much things change certain things must remain constant for life to continue." It was clear that he did not take kindly to my former disagreement that a man did not have to be the leader or the breadwinner and could be successful at home while his wife worked, suggesting that the next thing he would say was for women to stay in the kitchen and stay home to take care of the children. Further humoring his animals analogy, I pointed out that it was the lionesses that hunted the pack's food and in essence "brought home the bacon" and archaic ideals were no longer valid in modern times. But by now I was passionate about proving my point:
"You have to be kidding me right? There is a reason humans are humans and animals are animals. Are you implying that a man who stays home while his wife works is less of a man? Steups. It is this kind of patriarchal "man is boss" thing that fuels domestic violence and rape. Like you missed the gender equality drive or what? I'm not saying men can't be leaders. I am a leader, but they don't have to be and I don't think men who take a back seat to their wives are "gay" or "fassy men". They don't need to beat their chests and show they have the biggest cocks in the yard. That is not what makes a "big man" and it is exactly that kind of thinking that has these 14, 15, 16 year olds out of control in our society, because they want to be "leaders" because "man supposed to be that way".
He cited that our youth are in this predicament because they don't appreciate our own culture. But what culture was he speaking of? Did he mean the rum songs and the jump and wave? Couldn't it then be argued that these songs especially the prevalence of rum songs be encouraging alcoholism among youths which would then contradict his point? He obviously didn't mean traditional culture because he wasn't walking around in a dhoti or a dashiki, and was a "follower" in his American styled shirt and jeans just like all the people he was negatively branding.
He fired back saying that although he could resist the pressures of American culture, his younger siblings could not and that they were being bombarded by American tv shows, songs, and the like and he was not standing for it and that it was "damaging for the generation to come". To which I responded - typical Trinidadian excuse. Trinis have one thing in common, there is always someone else to blame. No one is ever responsible. There is always a scapegoat. Listen up people. Don't leave your children and siblings to be raised by the television! Take an active part in your children's lives. Monitor what they watch, give them guidance and support, talk to them and nurture them. Don't leave them to their devices and then use that as evidence. I am tired of hearing people blaming video games for laziness or real world violence. Guess what? Millions of people play video games everyday, and violent ones too, including myself, but these millions don't all go out and commit crimes. Video games don't kill people...people kill people. Television doesn't ruin children, delinquent parents do.
He said my distinction that people are different from animals was laughable and stupid and that in the end we were all the same. He elaborated:
"What is the difference between animals and humans?...we have a bigger brain?...so! ah horse have a bigger dick! because we have ah bigger brain we think we better."
Unfortunately, I had to enlighten him on the fact that brains were indeed important for logical reasoning and thinking and that the size of a dick was not, because if it were, humans would surely be at the bottom of the pile. But it was here where I realised some people just can not be helped but it was sad that someone as young and "educated" as himself could have, despite the world of knowledge and experience at his fingertips, such a misguided and close-minded concept of reality.
He continued to rip on the girls wearing "snow boots in 35 degree weather" and complained how he would understand if it made sense but to him it did not, so I quietly and curiously inquired about his obsession with these snow boots. I wondered firstly if fashion needed to make sense, if he had proof that they were in fact snow boots, and if he was an expert on boot fashion or if he asked the person wearing the boots for confirmation. No response. Maybe he found his argument to be a fruitless exaggeration or maybe he realized he was making an uninformed point based on personal opinion.
In the end, we never really got to discussing what were, if they exist, prerequisites for adulthood but I was able to outline what certainly should not be determining factors. Most importantly, I tried to show him like his freedom of choice to not wear certain clothes or speak a certain way, it was within the rights of others to do what they wanted within the law and that he should at least respect that freedom even if he didn't agree. Everyone has their own way of living their lives, if you're not happy with it, look the other way. No one is asking your approval, especially not those wearing snow boots or talking on their Blackberry phones. In the end life is subjective. Nothing has rules or guidelines, especially not human behaviour.
RIOT for Freedom of Choice and Expression.
by Shastri Ramlogan
Hmm this one is a bit long winded but I could tell it was more emotional than the others u wrote, like u were in the heat of the argument.
ReplyDeleteThe other person has no valid points though but ignorant people don't see very clearly so it is best to leave them be.
Tell me about it and you nailed it. Actually, it was a tongue to paper article. I didn't want to edit for fear of losing the raw emotion of it. I think your comments may have inspired me to continue writing :)
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